I am a Christian. I have walked this truth out for almost 20 years of my life now, and subsequently, I have gotten pretty "good" at it. Ugh. That even pains me to say.
It is at the realization of saying that when I start to unfold my truth for this week. I am the ugliest person I know. I don't mean the kind with disfigured features or uneven skin tone either. I mean that on the inside of myself lies a depth of filth that is greater than even I want to explore...
I get "whiffs" of it sometimes though and that is when another "ugly" comes out to play...PRIDE. Especially as a Christian, I know that I am supposed to be continually sanctified (becoming more like Jesus) and so, when that whiff of ugly (in the form of a thought or thought combined with emotion) that is not at all like Jesus comes out, my pride kicks in and either justifies it with the best Christian-ese I can conjure, or stuffs it away as if it never even happened in the first place. More than likely, the second...
And this is where I have been.
There is more to this story though. You see, Jesus never asked me to be clean. He just asked me to come and believe that he is clean. He never asked me to only have pure thoughts. he just asked me to come and believe that his thoughts are pure. he never asked me to always do the right thing. He only asked me to come and believe that he did the right thing. And when I try and take over those actions, I am really saying I don't need Him.
So, I am coming today, bearing my ugly heart. It is filled with spite, malice, jealousy, deceit, pride and intolerance. But that is just the kind of heart He can do something with. He says he will give me a new one anyway. And when I awake tomorrow, filled with the dirt of the who I once was, His mercies are there just the same...
Don't try and be something for Him. Just accept what He did for you! And I will too~
No comments:
Post a Comment