Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Learning the Hard Way

This last year has been like a roller-coaster ride for me.  I don't like roller coasters.  The praise in it is that I have learned so much about God, myself and those around me. 

Even today, I was talking out loud to John (I say to people that I can't even think unless I am speaking!) and something transversed during our conversation that I later realized is yet another lesson I am learning.  Throughout my journey as a follower of Christ, I have done (or not done) many things such as reading my Bible every day, not getting drunk, taking my thoughts captive, not listening to secular music, etc. 

All these things are good things to do or not to do respectively, however, I noticed in not doing some of them, a new issue was being created.

To fully explain it, let me take a step back.  About a month ago, I got a job as a barista at our local Starbucks.  It has been life-saving in so many ways that I might have to write a blog about that!  I have met many new people, all of whom I enjoy working with very much.  One thing I have noticed however, is that beyond work, there is not a whole lot to relate about.  You might be thinking that this is hardly a problem since I am not there to make a new bff, but hear me out.  I am also a Pastor.  Along with some of the other duties, one expectation is that I am meeting new people and being able to relate to them on a level that allows for relationship.  Besides this being my first expeience outside of the home for the last nine years, I realized that maybe even more than "being a Christian," I have been secluding or sheltering myself from the "world."  And, all this sheltering, has actually caused me to be un-relatable. 
So, I am now re-evaluating what it means to be in the world but not of the world.  And I think I am better for it.  You know, you cant be an influence to the unbeliever if you cant even begin to relate....

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Need to Breathe...

So my youngest son has croup...

So I am sitting there, with my arms wrapped all the way around his little chest, listening to my baby boy gasping for air.  He was upset.  He was sobbing....and deeply heaving his chest in and out with each labored breath.  I am trying to convince myself that the doc said he was getting enough oxygen last night so surely he still is now.....and praying that the Healer would come and do the miraculous.  And this attack just keeps going...

My other children look at me with bewilderment in their eyes.  "He is fine, we just need him to calm down and this will get better.  He sounds worse than he is."

I don't believe me.

30 excruciating minutes later, my baby boy hears the voice of his daddy on the phone and within one minute, he is relaxed in my lap with only squeaks of the attack still lingering...within another hour, he was smiling at me as I lay him down for the night.

What just happened, I ask myself?  Why is he still sick when I believed?  What is it that his body is doing to make it be this way?

Then the Lord spoke:
There are times in your life that you feel like you can't breathe.  You're sick with a swollen throat and you sound horrible.  You start to get upset.  You panic then because it feels as if  you can't breathe.  All you want is to be able to suck in that massive amount of fresh air you so desperately need but the harder you try, the worse it is.
Stop trying so hard.  Hear my voice.  I am what you need.  And when you feel like you can't breathe on your own, let me be your breath because just as much as you don't want to be this way, it almost breaks me to see it too.

Need You Now
Well, everybody's got a story to tell
And everybody's got a wound to be healed
I want to believe there's beauty here
'Cause oh, I get so tired of holding on
I can't let go, I can't move on
I want to believe there's meaning here

How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this?"
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now

Standing on a road I didn't plan
Wondering how I go to where I am
I'm trying to hear that still small voice
I'm trying to hear above the noise

How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this?"
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now

Though I walk,
Though I Walk through the shadows
And I, I am so afraid
Please stay, Please stay right beside me
With every single step I take

How many times have you heard me cry out?
And how many times have you given me strenth?

How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this?"
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

I need you now
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
I need you now
I need you now

Sometimes we  will get the complete healing.  Sometimes we won't.  Either way does not change how much He cares...