I have been stuck on two words for a while now. I am beginning to believe these two words are at the crux of my relationship with Christ. Unfortunately, they aren't that way for everyone but there is grace for that ;-)
One of the words is MERCY. I was thinking the other day about the song that says
Your mercy draws me to your side.
A question for us today is: what draws you to His side? Is it the fact that you understand just how loving and merciful He is to you? Or is it more like an obligation?
Sunday, November 3, 2013
The best question
Just a thought while I was in the shower today.
The best question for humanity used to be "what?"
The best question for humanity now (post Jesus) is "why?" And why is a lot harder to define and judge because it has to do with the inside places no one can see. It also leaves ample room for grace which can be highly uncomfortable.
The best question for humanity used to be "what?"
The best question for humanity now (post Jesus) is "why?" And why is a lot harder to define and judge because it has to do with the inside places no one can see. It also leaves ample room for grace which can be highly uncomfortable.
Friday, November 1, 2013
I am supposed to write....
So, I have had some pretty life-shaking, foundation splitting, upside-down turning events happen in the last months of my life. At this point, I am not even sure if I am strong enough to really tell you what they are. That's not the point of this blog anyway.
I was lamenting to a friend about them the other day however, and she said something to me that has been an echo in my life so I thought I would heed her words. She said, "You need to write about what you are going through and feeling right now. You need to write about it because someone out there needs to hear it and if you don't do it now, you will forget what you are feeling and not be able to help them like you need to."
Wow. What do I have to say that is so profound that it could possibly help someone else out? Honestly, at this point, I feel like I have nothing to give anyone anyway. I walk around my house in the middle of the day looking around at the junk on the floor or the kids playing and think, I can't even deal with it right now. Have you ever felt this way? I know I am not depressed per se, I am just traumatized and needing a little time to figure things out. I know I will be okay and I certainly know in my head all the "Christian-eese" truths to say and cling to, but that doesn't mean I am still not dealing with the emotions of all of this. Hey, maybe this is what it means to "when you have done all else, stand"
Yeah, stand. I think I can to do that today.
So, there you go. That is how I feel today. It is not pretty. It might not even sound right, I don't know. But it is real and when I am dead and gone partying with Jesus, that is a characteristic I want people to say to describe me.
There is a song and a line in it says, "but I remember Your suffering the way that you did so I will walk through this valley if you want me to..."
I was lamenting to a friend about them the other day however, and she said something to me that has been an echo in my life so I thought I would heed her words. She said, "You need to write about what you are going through and feeling right now. You need to write about it because someone out there needs to hear it and if you don't do it now, you will forget what you are feeling and not be able to help them like you need to."
Wow. What do I have to say that is so profound that it could possibly help someone else out? Honestly, at this point, I feel like I have nothing to give anyone anyway. I walk around my house in the middle of the day looking around at the junk on the floor or the kids playing and think, I can't even deal with it right now. Have you ever felt this way? I know I am not depressed per se, I am just traumatized and needing a little time to figure things out. I know I will be okay and I certainly know in my head all the "Christian-eese" truths to say and cling to, but that doesn't mean I am still not dealing with the emotions of all of this. Hey, maybe this is what it means to "when you have done all else, stand"
Yeah, stand. I think I can to do that today.
So, there you go. That is how I feel today. It is not pretty. It might not even sound right, I don't know. But it is real and when I am dead and gone partying with Jesus, that is a characteristic I want people to say to describe me.
There is a song and a line in it says, "but I remember Your suffering the way that you did so I will walk through this valley if you want me to..."
Forgiveness
A few weeks ago, I was drifting in-between consciousness and sleep when I had a dream or vision, or whatever you really want to call it. You know what I am talkin about though, right?
I was kind of conversing with myself, and/or the Lord. I was thinking about forgiveness. That was weird because I didn't have un-forgiveness in my heart nor had I recently encountered any person or situation that would cause me to question this issue, however, that is where I was. I was thinking about how I would answer the question, "What is forgiveness?"
You know, I have come to realize that there are many ways we, as Christians, define big words like forgiveness based on culture or society norms and not based on the Truth. So, I want to know how to correctly define forgiveness. After all, I have received the greatest gift of forgiveness that one can receive, right?
So, I went on dreaming/visualizing/conversing and here is what I came up with. It made so much sense to me and was so clear that I wanted to share.
I started with un-forgiveness. What is it? Why do I feel it? Is it a feeling?
Un-forgiveness: when I refuse to let go of a situation because I feel like I deserve or have to ability to rightly judge the situation/person for their choices and actions.
Forgiveness: Turning a situation/person(s) over to the One who has the ability/authority/deserves to rightly judge a situation/person for their choices and actions.
Therefore, when I chose to forgive, I am choosing to acknowledge that I am
1) NOT in control of anyone
2) NOT deserving of judging
3) Trusting the Judge
4) Accepting of grace for me and others
Wow! So, at the heart of un-forgiveness, lies a lack of trust and severe control issues......no wonder we are to forgive ;-)
And then, just like the Daddy I know, He allowed me to walk out my new found understanding! HA!
I was kind of conversing with myself, and/or the Lord. I was thinking about forgiveness. That was weird because I didn't have un-forgiveness in my heart nor had I recently encountered any person or situation that would cause me to question this issue, however, that is where I was. I was thinking about how I would answer the question, "What is forgiveness?"
You know, I have come to realize that there are many ways we, as Christians, define big words like forgiveness based on culture or society norms and not based on the Truth. So, I want to know how to correctly define forgiveness. After all, I have received the greatest gift of forgiveness that one can receive, right?
So, I went on dreaming/visualizing/conversing and here is what I came up with. It made so much sense to me and was so clear that I wanted to share.
I started with un-forgiveness. What is it? Why do I feel it? Is it a feeling?
Un-forgiveness: when I refuse to let go of a situation because I feel like I deserve or have to ability to rightly judge the situation/person for their choices and actions.
Forgiveness: Turning a situation/person(s) over to the One who has the ability/authority/deserves to rightly judge a situation/person for their choices and actions.
Therefore, when I chose to forgive, I am choosing to acknowledge that I am
1) NOT in control of anyone
2) NOT deserving of judging
3) Trusting the Judge
4) Accepting of grace for me and others
Wow! So, at the heart of un-forgiveness, lies a lack of trust and severe control issues......no wonder we are to forgive ;-)
And then, just like the Daddy I know, He allowed me to walk out my new found understanding! HA!
Thursday, October 31, 2013
The Holder of You Heart (Marriage)
When we are looking for "the one," which is a whole other blog for a whole other time, we often look for someone whom we can trust with our lives. This is a good thing in marriage but I am seeing another spin on it now.
We want to find someone whom we can trust. We see it as someone whom I feel comfortable enough and vulnerable enough to give my heart to because he/she is literally holding it through our walk together. As Christians, however, we are offered another picture. We are to find someone with trusting character. We are to look for Godly attributes in a mate. But when we enter into a covenant with that person, instead of trusting him/her enough to give them our hearts, what we really need to do is trust God enough to give it to Him. He is the holder of your heart in marriage. And as long as both of you are looking to Him, you can make it through any hurts that may come your way.
So, if you are already married and felt like you have given your heart to your spouse, take it back and give it to the One who is Trustworthy. If you are not married, look for a mate who exhibits a love and desire for the Lord and things will work a lot better for you!
We want to find someone whom we can trust. We see it as someone whom I feel comfortable enough and vulnerable enough to give my heart to because he/she is literally holding it through our walk together. As Christians, however, we are offered another picture. We are to find someone with trusting character. We are to look for Godly attributes in a mate. But when we enter into a covenant with that person, instead of trusting him/her enough to give them our hearts, what we really need to do is trust God enough to give it to Him. He is the holder of your heart in marriage. And as long as both of you are looking to Him, you can make it through any hurts that may come your way.
So, if you are already married and felt like you have given your heart to your spouse, take it back and give it to the One who is Trustworthy. If you are not married, look for a mate who exhibits a love and desire for the Lord and things will work a lot better for you!
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Learning the Hard Way
This last year has been like a roller-coaster ride for me. I don't like roller coasters. The praise in it is that I have learned so much about God, myself and those around me.
Even today, I was talking out loud to John (I say to people that I can't even think unless I am speaking!) and something transversed during our conversation that I later realized is yet another lesson I am learning. Throughout my journey as a follower of Christ, I have done (or not done) many things such as reading my Bible every day, not getting drunk, taking my thoughts captive, not listening to secular music, etc.
All these things are good things to do or not to do respectively, however, I noticed in not doing some of them, a new issue was being created.
To fully explain it, let me take a step back. About a month ago, I got a job as a barista at our local Starbucks. It has been life-saving in so many ways that I might have to write a blog about that! I have met many new people, all of whom I enjoy working with very much. One thing I have noticed however, is that beyond work, there is not a whole lot to relate about. You might be thinking that this is hardly a problem since I am not there to make a new bff, but hear me out. I am also a Pastor. Along with some of the other duties, one expectation is that I am meeting new people and being able to relate to them on a level that allows for relationship. Besides this being my first expeience outside of the home for the last nine years, I realized that maybe even more than "being a Christian," I have been secluding or sheltering myself from the "world." And, all this sheltering, has actually caused me to be un-relatable.
So, I am now re-evaluating what it means to be in the world but not of the world. And I think I am better for it. You know, you cant be an influence to the unbeliever if you cant even begin to relate....
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Need to Breathe...
So my youngest son has croup...
So I am sitting there, with my arms wrapped all the way around his little chest, listening to my baby boy gasping for air. He was upset. He was sobbing....and deeply heaving his chest in and out with each labored breath. I am trying to convince myself that the doc said he was getting enough oxygen last night so surely he still is now.....and praying that the Healer would come and do the miraculous. And this attack just keeps going...
My other children look at me with bewilderment in their eyes. "He is fine, we just need him to calm down and this will get better. He sounds worse than he is."
I don't believe me.
30 excruciating minutes later, my baby boy hears the voice of his daddy on the phone and within one minute, he is relaxed in my lap with only squeaks of the attack still lingering...within another hour, he was smiling at me as I lay him down for the night.
What just happened, I ask myself? Why is he still sick when I believed? What is it that his body is doing to make it be this way?
Then the Lord spoke:
There are times in your life that you feel like you can't breathe. You're sick with a swollen throat and you sound horrible. You start to get upset. You panic then because it feels as if you can't breathe. All you want is to be able to suck in that massive amount of fresh air you so desperately need but the harder you try, the worse it is.
Stop trying so hard. Hear my voice. I am what you need. And when you feel like you can't breathe on your own, let me be your breath because just as much as you don't want to be this way, it almost breaks me to see it too.
Need You Now
Well, everybody's got a story to tell
And everybody's got a wound to be healed
I want to believe there's beauty here
'Cause oh, I get so tired of holding on
I can't let go, I can't move on
I want to believe there's meaning here
How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this?"
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now
Standing on a road I didn't plan
Wondering how I go to where I am
I'm trying to hear that still small voice
I'm trying to hear above the noise
How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this?"
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now
Though I walk,
Though I Walk through the shadows
And I, I am so afraid
Please stay, Please stay right beside me
With every single step I take
How many times have you heard me cry out?
And how many times have you given me strenth?
How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this?"
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
I need you now
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
I need you now
I need you now
Sometimes we will get the complete healing. Sometimes we won't. Either way does not change how much He cares...
So I am sitting there, with my arms wrapped all the way around his little chest, listening to my baby boy gasping for air. He was upset. He was sobbing....and deeply heaving his chest in and out with each labored breath. I am trying to convince myself that the doc said he was getting enough oxygen last night so surely he still is now.....and praying that the Healer would come and do the miraculous. And this attack just keeps going...
My other children look at me with bewilderment in their eyes. "He is fine, we just need him to calm down and this will get better. He sounds worse than he is."
I don't believe me.
30 excruciating minutes later, my baby boy hears the voice of his daddy on the phone and within one minute, he is relaxed in my lap with only squeaks of the attack still lingering...within another hour, he was smiling at me as I lay him down for the night.
What just happened, I ask myself? Why is he still sick when I believed? What is it that his body is doing to make it be this way?
Then the Lord spoke:
There are times in your life that you feel like you can't breathe. You're sick with a swollen throat and you sound horrible. You start to get upset. You panic then because it feels as if you can't breathe. All you want is to be able to suck in that massive amount of fresh air you so desperately need but the harder you try, the worse it is.
Stop trying so hard. Hear my voice. I am what you need. And when you feel like you can't breathe on your own, let me be your breath because just as much as you don't want to be this way, it almost breaks me to see it too.
Need You Now
Well, everybody's got a story to tell
And everybody's got a wound to be healed
I want to believe there's beauty here
'Cause oh, I get so tired of holding on
I can't let go, I can't move on
I want to believe there's meaning here
How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this?"
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now
Standing on a road I didn't plan
Wondering how I go to where I am
I'm trying to hear that still small voice
I'm trying to hear above the noise
How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this?"
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now
Though I walk,
Though I Walk through the shadows
And I, I am so afraid
Please stay, Please stay right beside me
With every single step I take
How many times have you heard me cry out?
And how many times have you given me strenth?
How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this?"
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
I need you now
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
I need you now
I need you now
Sometimes we will get the complete healing. Sometimes we won't. Either way does not change how much He cares...
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